This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
