upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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