He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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