these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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