I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
