yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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