we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize