so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
