mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Randomize
