do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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