She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
is that a dick in a sweater?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
