First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
