and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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