I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize