Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
