so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize