Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
