Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
