He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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