New low: just hacked my moms facebook
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Reggie can tackle my bush.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just had sex on a roof
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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