You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
