Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
