omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
