Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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