are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
