you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
