Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
