I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
