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Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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