this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
