If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you will always have a special place in my vag
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
