i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I would fuck him just for his dog
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
