dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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