if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
