Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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