saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
that is very illegal...i love you.
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