last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
