you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
