Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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