We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
