people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
