the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
