I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
