im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize