Already got asked if we're dating
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
