Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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