im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
