I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
