I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
