I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
from now on my penis is your penis
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
