got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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