Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
