I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My boob is missing a layer of skin
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
