so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
