Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
