So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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