Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Mom said you looked used
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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