I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Did I show you my penis last night?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
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