Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
