Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
