made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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