I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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