A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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