I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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