The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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