Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
