Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
