His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
