I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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