Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He shit in the fireplace
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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