There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
