isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
