Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
