when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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