i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
